Unfinished Tales
by King in Yellow
Summary: Never ending stories! At least in the sense there are no plans to finish them. #1, Kim and the curse. #2, Jim and Zita have friction, not sparks. #3, The Ballad of Kim Ballou. #4, If I'm Not Me, Who Am I?
1. Once Upon a Time

For the first time since I posted Best Enemies I find myself not actively working on a story. I don't know when/if that might change.

**Unfinished Tales** - Each 'chapter' of Unfinished Tales is a story I started. There have been a number started over the last few years. Some are a single chapter in length, while others are multiple chapters in length. There is a small chance I might try and finish some of these - if I suddenly discover an infinity of time. There are stories I know I won't do further work on. Some are set in the Best Enemies series. Some, such as this first fragment, are not. Explanation for not ending the chapter/story can be found at the chapter's end, or a word on where it might have gone if I kept writing.

**Once Upon a Time** - A story which will never to be finished by King in Yellow.

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 1 - A Man Suffered from a Cruel Fate **

James Possible's first seizure, or perhaps it could more properly be called a spell, hit during his forty-fifth birthday party. For a full minute he thought he was a calico kitten named Whiskers. Anne initially thought it was some sort of bizarre joke on her husband's part, but he turned pale when told about what had happened. He confessed to stories of occasional insanity in the family. His grandfather had ended his days believing he was a Saint Bernard named King and pleading with passers-by to throw a stick so he could 'fetch'.

The next day's seizure lasted slightly longer, and Anne insisted he enter the hospital for a medical evaluation. No physical problems could be discovered, but each day the seizure seemed to last a little longer. The psychologists and psychiatrists who examined him shook their heads, whatever afflicted him fit nothing anyone had ever treated. Someone at the hospital violated privacy laws by releasing information on the case, which brought a parade of quacks, charlatans, faith healers, and exorcists - all of whom promised results at prices ranging from moderate to exorbitant.

Kim sat in her mother's office at the hospital, listening to the list of the day's failed tests when a knock sounded on the door.

Kim opened the door and found a very short, wizened man on the other side - his eyes huge and owl-like behind thick glasses. His garments appeared out of the eighteenth century, but he had a laptop under one arm. He peered at Kim, "You are too young to be Dr. Possible."

Anne leaned to get a look around Kim, and told her daughter, "Send him away."

"My mom says--"

But the little man pushed past Kim, "I need a list of your husband's symptoms."

"And you'll then offer to sell us a cure?"

"I have nothing to do with cures. I need to verify if his problem falls into my department's jurisdiction."

Kim was about to throw him out, but his claim sounded so curious that Anne gestured for her daughter to stop. "Falls into your department's jurisdiction?"

"Yes. If I might have about eight minutes of your time I can be on my way and will never bother you again."

Anne seemed confused, "I don't--"

"What is your department," Kim demanded, "and who are you."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't introduce myself, did I? My name is Bottom, I work in the department of curse registry." He handed her a jet black calling card on which the names "Splitfoot and Gabriel" appeared in blood red letters, along with a web address.

"Curse registry?"

"Yes." He sat down on a chair and opened the laptop. "Now, symptoms."

"Mr. Bottom--"

"Just Bottom," he corrected her.

"Mr. Bottom," Anne continued, "I do not believe in curses."

"I am not asking you to believe in curses. And I do not know if your husband is under a curse. But my department currently has over seventeen thousand unaccounted for family curses in its backlog. And while many of those families have been extinct for centuries we must verify any active curses or close the case files on posthumous curses."

"You are insane," Anne told him frankly.

"If it makes you more comfortable to believe that, fine. Now, symptoms."

"Kim, remove him from my office. Remove him from the hospital."

"But--" he protested as Kim closed the lid of his laptop and took him by the arm.

"You really think my dad is under a curse?" Kim asked as she led him down the hall towards the front door of the hospital.

"I don't know. There is a chance and I wish to verify the possibility."

Kim had seen strange things which her mother had not, and wanted to talk longer. Maybe someone like Sensei would know how to break a curse. "I'll help you, if you can tell me anything you discover."

"At Splitfoot and Gabriel we don't--"

"This is the front door. Do you want my help or not?"

He hesitated a minute, then accepted her proposal.

They sat in the Starbucks to the north of the hospital and he asked odd questions about family history Kim couldn't answer and questions about her father's current condition which she could. He muttered softly to himself as he entered data.

"Finding anything?" Kim demanded.

"Ummm, Several options still here. You said your father was the second son, correct?"

"Yes."

"Your paternal great-grandfather was also second son, but you don't know about earlier ancestors?"

"That's right."

"Do you have two brothers?"

"Yes, how did you--"

"Ah, Well, it appears that your father is indeed under a curse. More recent than some of the ones we work with, but a curse nonetheless. We should have known this one would stay around. Your younger brother's second son will suffer from it also."

"How do I break it?"

"I don't do breaking. My department is verification. My whole division has no interest in breaking curses."

"You promised to tell me everything you could."

He sighed. "Okay, once upon a time - late eleventh century to be more precise - Louis the Vulgar, ruler of Saxony-auf-die-Iltis, incurred the wrath of the local wizard's guild, which placed a poorly thought out curse on the family. The second son of the second son will lose his mind, beginning on his forty-fifth birthday."

"What do you mean, poorly thought out?"

Bottom shrugged, "Royal line counted it as a blessing, there would always be a male heir. And in the days when life expectancy was around thirty-nine it didn't matter much. Boils, now there's a curse with real suffering."

Kim seemed confused, "So my family is royalty of some kind?"

"No, first sons inherited titles. Second sons got the curse. I'm afraid your family diverged from the royal line centuries ago. All you inherited was the curse. Royal line was extinguished in the thirteenth century in a border war with the Wulfenbachs, which pretty much ended the chance for an easy end to the curse. "

"There was an easy way to end the curse?"

"Archbishop of Beetleburg could have lifted it with a blessing. Beetleburg was destroyed in the war. The former site," he checked the information on his screen, "is now a large potato farm in Byelorussia."

"What will happen to my dad?"

"The irrational periods will last a little longer each day until, at the end of the year, there are no rational times left. But there are two pieces of good news."

"Yes?" Kim asked eagerly.

"First, he will experience no pain. Second, he should be quite content playing with small bits of yarn and a catnip mouse." He closed the laptop. "Thank you for your help. Good day."

He rose to leave, but Kim grabbed the laptop and held it tightly, "You haven't kept your promise."

"I have," he retorted hotly.

"You haven't told me how to break the curse."

"I told you, my division doesn't break curses."

"But you know someone who does. Maybe my friend Wade can get the information off your laptop."

"You can't do that," he gasped. "There is proprietary information on there."

"You haven't told me everything you know."

"I'll give you a name."

"You'll get someone here."

"I can't I--"

Kim had her Kimmunicator out, "Wade, I need some help."

Bottom turned pale, "End the conversation. I'll call someone."

Kim looked at him, "Now?"

"Now."

"Kim?" Wade asked, "Can I help?"

"I think I just got my help here. I'll call you back if I need you."

"Okay," Wade told her, signing off.

The little man had a cell phone out, and seemed to put in an unusually long string of numbers. "Bottom here… Yes, but I need your help… Don't say that, someone needs a curse broken… Look, I needed a little help and told her I'd give her some information. I wasn't planning on her being such a pain."

As he ranted on the phone a short woman with white hair and a laptop under her arm entered the Starbucks and headed straight for their table. "You can hang up, you know. I'm here." The elderly woman extended a hand to Kim, who found it surprisingly warm when she shook it. "Charity," the woman told her.

"Kim."

"What do you need?"

"Can I have my laptop back," Bottom whined.

"Not until I know she can help me," Kim shot back.

"I don't know if I can help you," Charity warned, "but I promise to try. Now, the problem?"

"He," Kim said, pointing to Bottom, "says my father is under some sort of curse, and I want to help him."

"The sins of the fathers," Charity sighed and turned to the little man. "What's the curse?"

"Odd little thing, skips generations and sometimes isn't noticed so we lost track of it. I--"

"What's the level?" she snapped.

He grinned evilly, "Level five."

Charity wished she were allowed to say Damn. "Five?"

"Five."

"Oh, dear," the woman told Kim, "that does seem to limit your options."

"There's got to be a way."

"Of course there's a way… There are usually many ways… It's just that, well, a level five is a strong curse." She opened her laptop and turned it on. Kim wondered what the operating system was, like Bottom's it needed no start up time. She called up a screen. Bottom leaned over and stared at it with her.

"I don't see human sacrifice listed," he remarked.

"That option has been rescinded," she told him sharply. "Let's see," she said to herself and looked down the list, "That doesn't apply, not that, not that…" She stared as Kim for a minute, "Any chance you're Zoroastrian?"

"No."

Charity sighed, "Okay, rule that out also." She turned back to the list, found something odd and pointed it out to Bottom, "What's this? She can pledge her first born child to a dwarf in your division?"

"It's an old one," he muttered. "We don't have anyone handling those anymore."

"That comes dangerously close to human sacrifice," she scolded. She looked at Kim, "Unfortunately there aren't any more dragons to slay… I'm not sure if I know of a way to--"

"You could apply for an AoG." Bottom suggested to Kim.

"AoG?"

"He is being sarcastic," Charity snarled politely, "David Hume took out a restraining order on those in seventeen forty-eight."

"What about this," Bottom suddenly asked, pointing to something on her screen.

"I don't think that applies," she responded primly.

He raised an eyebrow, "Why not?"

"Well…" she stammered, "just because."

"What is it?" Kim demanded.

He grinned, "Something with tremendous power."

"It could break this level five thing?"

"Indeed," he assured her.

"It doesn't apply," Charity sputtered.

"What is it?" Kim repeated.

"Love's first kiss," Bottom replied.

"Love's first kiss? I fall in love with some guy and the curse is broken?"

"No, it doesn't apply in this case," Charity insisted.

"Love's first kiss is only for princesses," Bottom told her. "You are not royalty. You need for a princess to fall in love with you. She must never have been in love before, nor kissed - there is a family exclusion clause on that rule. When she gives you her first kiss of love the curse on your father is broken."

"How can her kiss lift the curse on my dad?"

"Well, you could hardly live happily ever after if your dad was crazy, now could you?" Bottom reminded her

"I'm sure it doesn't apply to two women," Charity insisted.

"Check the rule book," Bottom told her. He turned to Kim, "Can I find a list of available princesses for you?" Kim seemed confused and he took advantage of the confusion, "My laptop?"

She pushed it across the table to him and he opened it up and began a data search. "It isn't giving me the names of any princesses under sixteen," he complained.

"You aren't keeping up," Charity told him, looking through the rules, "the age limit was raised to sixteen forty years ago - there's talk of raising it to eighteen."

"Here's the list of princesses," he said, "now, let me remove the names of those who've been kissed… Oh dear, only three left on the list.

Kim fidgeted and Charity continued to look at the rules as Bottom took a napkin and cleaned his glasses.

"Let's see… First one is a ninety-one year old retired nun living in a nursing home. Second one is married, but doesn't love her husband and her culture doesn't believe in kissing. Third is--" Bottom laughed, a long and evil laugh that sent a chill up Kim's spine.

"What is wrong with you," Charity snapped, angry that she couldn't find the rule she wanted.

"She knows the third princess," Bottom chuckled.

"I don't know any princesses."

"Oh, she doesn't know she's a princess. They were minor nobles who lost their land centuries ago, but according to the data entry she is a princess - and if she gives you love's first kiss the curse is lifted."

Kim licked her lips nervously, "A girl at my school?"

"No, her name is Vivien Duke."

"Vivien Duke? I don't know a Vivien Duke."

Charity turned pale. "Not her."

"Not who?" Kim demanded.

"You don't know her by her real name," Bottom explained, "you've only fought her under her assumed name - Shego."

"Shego is a princess?"

"She doesn't know it, but yes. And if she gives you love's first kiss before your father's next birthday the curse is broken forever. If not…" Bottom left it unsaid.

* * *

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 2 - But His Brave Daughter Sought Help**

"You don't believe any of that, do you Kim?" Wade demanded.

She still sat at the same table in the coffee shop. She had called Wade as soon as the two left. She had not revealed everything they had told her, especially the part relating to Shego. "I don't know. It's too weird." Kim sighed, "Maybe they're actors Drakken hired to mess with my mind--"

"Do you think Drakken could be behind your father's… 'problem'?" the young black man asked cautiously.

"I don't think so… But he might have heard about it and be trying to take advantage."

"What makes you think Drakken isn't behind whatever is happening with your dad?"

"Well, first of all, it seems to be working right and Drakken's plans usually don't. He'd probably have called to gloat by now also. And the doctors would probably have been able to figure out what it was… Wade?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you use the Kimmunicator to scan for curses?"

"No way, Kim. I don't believe in ancient curses. But even if I did, I don't know how you'd analyze for that. It's like trying to analyze love - you can't put it in a test tube and run scientific tests on it."

"Don't mention love."

"Why?"

"Never mind. I just want to think about helping dad."

"Okay. So, what do you do now?"

"I'm not sure. Charity assigned me a case number and we exchanged email addresses. She says she'll keep trying to find something. Can you scan dad's room?"

"The stuff at the hospital can look at your dad better than I can."

"You said there are things that can be examined, and things that can't be examined."

"Yeah."

"Well, the hospital examines for what it knows. I want you to run full spectrum of everything you've got. Look for anything you can find that their equipment wouldn't see."

A dejected looking Kim sat across the booth from Ron at Bueno Nacho. "…and he didn't find anything," she finished.

Ron did his best to cheer her up, "Hey, watch me put a whole grande-size burrito in my mouth at once!"

"I've seen it before Ron."

"Yeah, but this time I'm gonna do it sideways!"

Kim wanted to turn away, but watched in fascinated disgust as Ron managed the feat. An idea struck her, "Ron, do you think Sensei would know anything about curses?"

"Hhummphmph."

"Was that a yes grunt, or a no grunt?"

"Hhummphmph."

"That's what I thought. Is there any way for me to talk with him?"

"Hhummphmph."

"Great! How soon can you set it up?"

"Hhummphmph."

"Really?"

"Hhummphmph."

"Ron, I could kiss you… But not when your face is stuffed with food like that."

"Hhummphmph."

"No. Now swallow so you can make the call."

Four minutes and the Heimlich maneuver later Ron closed his eyes and took a series of slow, deep breaths. When he opened his lips the voice of Sensei addressed Kim.

"Stoppable-san says you wish to speak with me."

"Yes, Sensei. I have been told my father is under a curse. I am hoping you can tell me if it is true, and if you know a way to break curses if it is true."

"It will require Stoppable-san and I trade consciousness for a time, but I will inspect your father. I have some skills with the breaking of curses."

"Really? That's wonderful!"

"I have almost a ninety percent success rate with level three curses."

"My dad is a level five curse."

"Level five? That can't be right."

"That's what I was told."

"It had to be a typo. I've never even seen a level four."

"Do you know anyone who could help?"

"I know a Tibetan lama who claims to have broken a level four."

"So you don't know anything that would help?"

"Is there any chance you're Zoroastrian?"

"No."

"Okay, that won't work…" Sensei was silent for a minute, "Let me see your father. Perhaps the curse is not that strong. You should not treat him based on a misdiagnosis."

Ron opened his eyes, "Did Sensei have good news?"

"I don't think so. But he wants to see my dad."

"See him?"

"Yeah, we're going over to the hospital - Sensei mentioned something about a full consciousness switch."

"Ohh, never done one of those before."

"So, what's happening Kimmie-cub?" her dad asked cheerfully as she and Ron stood by his bed in the hospital.

"Someone told Kim that you're under a curse," Ron blurted out.

"A curse? I don't--"

"I know it sounds crazy, Dad, but Mom's checking everything she can. I have to work on anything I can find."

"So, how does this work?" he asked cautiously. "Do you bring in a Voodoo priestess with black candles and chicken lips or something?"

"No… Although that might be something to check later. Ron will examine--"

"Ronald?"

Kim blushed, "Well, not Ron. There is a great teacher in Japan who will temporarily trade minds with Ron and examine you."

Her dad took a deep breath, "I'm not sure I believe this, but I'm willing to try."

It took Ron a little longer to focus, but when his eyes opened they glowed blue.

Kim bowed, "Sensei, this is my father."

He returned the bow, and moved closer to the bed,

"I'm, ah, pleased to meet you, Mr. Sensei," James Possible said nervously.

"Would that it were under better circumstances," the man in Ron's body replied and began his examination. After a full ten minutes, during which neither Kim nor James saw him do very much, Sensei sighed, "He is cursed, as you were told. I do not believe the curse was level five--"

"So you can break it?" Kim asked eagerly.

"I do not believe it was a level five when it was cast. Some curses lose their force over time. This one, sadly, has ripened and grown stronger."

James, not sure how much of this he believed, asked, "Is there anything you can do?"

"I know of an ancient ritual, which requires twelve years to complete."

"That won't do my dad any good."

"Perhaps not, but your younger brother - or his second son - might be interested." There was a moment of silence in the room. "I will check the Annals of Yamanouchi and see if they contain anything which might help you. Would you like me to contact the Tibetan Lama?"

Kim bowed, "No, Sensei. Thank you for looking at my father."

"No problem, my child, I only wish I had good news for you. And now, I return to Japan."

The blue light faded from Ron's eyes, and a broad grin spread across the young man's face, "Way cool."

Suddenly his eyes lit again with blue fire and Sensei's voice thundered, "Miss Possible, slap Stoppable-san!"

"But, what did--"

"While in my body he pinched Yori on-- It doesn't matter, slap him!"

The blue light went out of Ron's eyes, and Kim slapped him.

"Oww! What was that for?"

Kim glared at him, "You know."

"Oh, yeah… heh, heh."

Kim sent an email to Charity, "Would a Voodoo practitioner know anything that could help me?"

The response was immediate, "If you are trying to put up a new house, do you look in the phone book under 'Demolition'?"

"But is there any chance at all?" Kim typed.

It took twenty minutes for Kim to receive a reply, a reluctant, "Maybe."

Kim called Wade as soon as she received the reply, "I need a ride to New Orleans, and an introduction to a Voodoo priest or priestess."

"You're really going after this?"

"I have to Wade, he's my dad."

In New Orleans Kim stared at the brown-skinned woman who answered the door of a nicely furnished rebuilt home.

The woman stared for a minute at the tongue-tied teen, "Can I help you?"

"I must have the wrong address," Kim stammered, "I was looking for a Ma… I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address."

"A Mambo?"

"Yes."

"That okay, child, you have right address. Come in."

"This isn't exactly how I pictured things."

"You picture dirty little shop with wax figures and strange incense?"

"Well, yes."

The woman sighed, "That for tourists. Why you here?"

Kim sat at the kitchen as the woman brewed tea, "Now, what exactly your problem?"

The woman sipped tea and listened attentively as Kim talked. At the end of the story Kim asked, "Can you do anything to help?"

"Level five?"

"Level five."

The Mambo shook her head, "She strong curse. I can't break."

"Do you know anyone who can?"

"No, but I ask. Leave me your number."

* * *

"You need to eat," Ron told her the next day as they shared their booth at Bueno Nacho.

"Food is not the answer!" she snapped.

"I know, but it can't hurt. It's a shame you can't ask Monkey Fist for help."

"Monkey Fist?"

"Sure, he knows more mystical stuff than anyone else we've ever--" As he talked he watched Kim turn on the Kimmunicator to call Wade. "Hey, you wouldn't, would you?"

"Kim, how was New Orleans?"

"You did great, Wade, but she couldn't help."

In the background Wade could hear Ron saying "New Orleans? She?"

"Ron had a great idea. He said--"

Wade held up his hand for silence, "Ron had a great idea?"

In the background Wade could hear Ron sputter, "No I didn't!"

"Yeah, he said that since Monkey Fist knows more about magic than anyone else we've fought we should pay a visit to him."

"And you need me to find him and a ride for you?"

"Please and thank you."

"Ron coming with you?"

"In the background Wade heard, "Got your back, KP!"

"Two for… somewhere," Wade promised.

* * *

"A Miss Kimberly Possible and a Mr. Ronald Stoppable to see you M'lord."

Montgomery Fisk frowned, wondering what they were doing. "Did they state the reason for their visit, Bates?"

"They said something about needing your help."

"Needing my help?" maniacal laughter echoed through the ancestral country house. "Needing my help?"

"Yes, M'lord."

The apelike British peer smiled, "Then by all means, show them in."

Fisk planned to listen, tell them no, and have them ejected. But he found the problem intriguing and the fact they came to him flattering.

"Bates, candles! I am taking the guests to the old dungeon."

"Dungeon?" Ron repeated nervously."

"Controlled temperature, low humidity… I store my ancient scrolls there. I know I have one on breaking curses."

"Way cool," Ron whispered softly as the flickering candle light revealed columns of lattice-like cubicles, each containing tightly rolled scrolls. On the further wall more conventional shelves groaned under the weight of massive tomes.

Kim shivered, but not from the temperature, the room seemed to reek of ancient evil.

"Hold on… I think it's over… there!" Monty set down the candelabra on a solid desk and began to pull out scrolls, check the labels and thrust them back into their cubbies. "Ah, here it is," Monty sighed and returned it to the desk. Kim and Ron stood behind him as he carefully unrolled the parchment. "Let's see… A pity that dragons are extinct… Human sacrifice perhaps? I can suggest young Stoppable as an excellent candidate for the ritual."

Ron, who had not been paying close attention, grinned, "Thanks."

"That's one's been revoked or canceled," Kim told him. The two looked at Ron, who was playing Rocks-Paper-Scissors with Rufus and regularly losing.

"A pity," Monty sighed. "It still might be worth trying."

"No."

The peer returned to the list. "That doesn't work," Monty mumbled, "not that either." He looked up, "Are you Zoroastrian?"

"No."

"Too bad. It would seem an AoG is your best--"

"There is some sort of restraining order on the use of those," Kim interrupted.

"Since when?"

"I think it was the seventeen hundreds."

"You need a new scroll or something," Ron pointed out, "that one's out of date."

"This is a mystical object!" Monty snapped, "not a carton of milk at the grocery."

"Ron, please, he's trying to help."

The Englishman returned to the scroll and reread one of the suggestions, "Which of your fathers is suffering from the curse?"

"Mine," Kim reminded him.

"Ah, then it doesn't apply."

"What doesn't apply?" Ron asked.

"Love's first kiss." He turned back to the scroll, but Ron was curious.

"Love's first kiss?"

"So glad you were listening," Monty sneered.

"You mean, like, if I kiss Kim the curse is lifted?"

"It only works for a princess."

"I think Kim is a princess."

"It doesn't really matter what you think. The one needing the curse broken must receive love's first kiss from a princess. So unless there is something you haven't been telling Miss Possible I suggest you close your mouth."

"Wait, if Kim kisses a princess?"

"Yes, twelve years old or --"

Kim coughed to get his attention, "That one has been raised to sixteen."

Ron opened his mouth to say something.

"Not a word," Monty snarled. "Not one word."

Ron turned to Kim, "You knew about that?"

"Yes."

Ron grinned as a slightly more vacant look than usual glazed over his eyes.

"Ron?" Kim asked.

"Uh, sorry," he apologized, snapping out of his reverie.

"What were you thinking about?"

"You kissing a princess… I mean, it's not going to happen, but the image is so hot!"

*SLAP*

"Oww!" Ron complained, rubbing his cheek, "Did Sensei hear about that other thing?"

"Ron, I'm not even going to ask what other thing. That wasn't from Sensei, that was from me."

Back home Kim made sure no one was around before calling Wade.

"Nothing from England either?" the young man asked.

"Well, nothing new. He confirmed what I'd heard before."

"Sorry. I'm going to try and come up with some sort of paranormal scanner if I can… I just don't know how to calibrate the thing or what I'm looking for."

"You rock, Wade. I hope it works."

"Me too. I don't really know what I'm looking for so I've got no idea how to find it."

"Yeah, I know. In the meantime, I've heard there's a woman who might be able to help me."

"Hope so, you've had a lot of strike-outs."

"Her name is Vivien Duke. Age… Early twenties? I don't have an address for her."

"I'll find one for you."

"No, don't do that!"

"But--"

"Look, I don't really know if she can help me. I'd just like you to do a little background check for me. Tell me anything you can find out. Family history, look for family history."

* * *

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 3 - And Her Stalwart Friend**

"I'm glad you didn't ask for an address on that Vivien Duke," Wade told the next day when he called her with the result of his search.

"Why's that?"

"'Cause I don't have one in a big way. She disappeared about seven years ago, right before her seventeenth birthday."

"Disappeared?"

"Ran away. Family filed a missing person report, but later said they'd heard she was alive. Police closed the case on her on her eighteenth birthday. She's got brothers. Two of them have Facebook pages where they beg her to come home."

"Family history, did you get any family history?"

"What was I supposed to be looking for? I got a lot of stuff but don't know what's important."

"Sorry, I should have been more specific. When did the family move to America. Where is she from?"

"Mother? Father? Mother's mother or father? Father's mother or father? Mother's mother's mother or--"

"I get the picture Wade. Sorry. I should tell you more."

"You had more to tell - and you didn't give it to me?"

"Bad Kim, I know. But what I heard was just so… so weird that I put it down as something I couldn't do."

"For you, I thought you'd take something like that as a challenge."

"Not this time. What've you got for me?"

"You still haven't told me what part of the family."

"Father's line. Going back through fathers as far as you can."

Wade sorted through screens while Kim waited impatiently. "I got a great, great-grandfather who arrived on Ellis Island claiming to be the rightful heir to the throne of some place in Italy."

"The king of Italy?"

"Nah. Before Germany and Italy were united in the late nineteenth century there were lots of dinky little countries around there. When they united a lot of nobles were out of jobs."

"Was he really a king?"

"I dunno. I'm just telling what he claimed on the immigration form. It may be why the immigration people gave him the last name Duke. Do you need me to see if he really was some kind of noble in Europe?"

"That's okay, you've told me enough."

"Will you tell me what this is all about?"

"No."

"Have you told anyone?"

"No, I haven't."

"Bad idea, Kim, somebody needs to have your back."

"I know Wade, but I can't tell you. I can't tell anybody."

"You're scaring me Kim. Can you at least tell me why you can't tell me?"

"I'm thinking of doing something I shouldn't do, and that scares me."

"Kim, you've got to talk with someone. If not me, how about Ron?"

"No."

"Your mom?"

"No."

"Monique?" he asked. Kim hesitated. "Please, it really sounds like you need to talk with someone. Promise me you'll talk to Monique."

"I promise."

"And I mean now. When we stop talking, you call her, okay?"

"Okay, I promise… Wade?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Kim did not want to invite Monique over where family might overhear the conversation - and did not want anyone in Monique's family to hear the discussion either. Talking with Monique made Kim realize just how limited her knowledge of places to go in Middleton really was. She didn't have any place to suggest they go besides Bueno Nacho - and she didn't want to go there for fear of running into Ron.

"The Club Car," Monique told her.

"The Club Car?"

"Not much chance of running into our friends there, since you're being Miss Secretive. We'll get a booth at the back, split a piece of cheese cake and order diet cokes."

"I don't even know where The Club Car is."

"Twenty-seventh and Oak, there's a little strip mall. It's toward the north end."

Monique listened to Kim without a word for almost fifteen minutes before starting to list the problems with the plan. "This has got to be the craziest thing I've heard from you, GF. And I've heard plenty of crazy stuff from you."

"I'm doing it for my dad!"

"I don't care, it's impossible."

"It's not impossible. I--"

"Let me list some of the reasons this is crazy. First, there is no way you could pull that off. You're straight, and to--"

"Uh, technically I think I'm bi."

"Yeah, sure," the black woman said in a tone that meant, _"No way in hell."_ "And you know this how?"

"My girlfriend."

Monique's jaw dropped, "You've got a girlfriend? And I don't mean friends who are girls, because, GF, I am certainly not your GF like I think you just said you have a girlfriend."

"Okay, I _had_ a girlfriend. The relationship went bad."

"What do you mean relationship? Just how far did it go?"

"You know my motto, 'I can do anything'?"

"Isn't that your family motto or something?"

"No. My dad says our family motto is 'Anything is possible for a Possible'. My ex was the one who said I can do anything, and she moaned it _anything_."

"Girl, I didn't need to hear you say that… But I've seen you date guys."

"Bi, Monique. I like guys and girls both. You can talk about liking guys. People treat you weird if they know you like girls. I need to be careful about… Did you know I had a crush on you when you first moved to town?"

Monique's jaw dropped, "Say what?"

"You didn't think it was weird that, for like a week, I was with you every waking moment? We shopped, ate, did everything together."

"I didn't… I mean, I was new in town, you were the only person I knew!"

Kim sighed, "Yeah, that's what I figured and didn't really ask you out. Besides, I got burned so bad with… What is your second reason?"

"Burned bad with who?"

"The girl I was dating."

"Who was she?"

"Never mind, what's the second reason?"

"Do I know her?"

"Second reason?"

"Oh, I do know her - or you'd have told me."

"Let's move on to the second reason."

"She burned you bad… Bonnie? Bonnie Rockwaller? You were in the sack with the drama queen?"

Kim blushed crimson, "I'm not giving a name."

"And you had a crush on me?"

"Oh yeah, big time. You're hot."

"I am so glad you never told me. I… Kim, not sure I'm gonna have you over for a sleepover again."

"See, that's why I didn't talk about it."

"Yeah, I would have been more comfortable not knowing. Second reason this won't work, you don't know if she's into girls. And sure as all get out she is more likely to punch you than kiss you."

"I've got to try. I've got to break the curse."

Monique looked at her friend, "Kim, the biggest problem I see is this. It is wrong, and you don't do wrong. Trying to get someone to fall in love with you when you have no feelings for that person? Your heart won't be in it."

"I'm doing it for my dad… I guess I should feel bad for Shego, but not after all the times we've fought and she's tried to hurt me. I mean, if it works I'm hurting her - but she's tried to hurt me worse!"

"Girl, she was trying to lay a whole different kind of hurt on you, and you know it."

Kim sighed, "Yeah, I know… I think the only reason I'm considering this is because it is Shego."

"Oh, and you think she's hot too?"

"It's not about a great body. All I ever do is fight her. I mean the only reason I'd consider this is because she is my enemy. I'd… I'd never do this to a friend."

"No secret crushes there?"

"Cross my heart."

"You liked her when she was Ms. Go."

"Yeah, when she was Ms. Go. She was fun. But this is not Ms. Go."

"Be careful Kim… Do you have a plan?"

"Yeah, I'm going to use Ron for a model."

Monique stared at Kim as if she had grown another head, "Ron? You're taking lessons from Ron?"

"Absolutely," Kim told her solemnly, "whatever Ron does - I do the opposite."

The two women laughed.

* * *

"I'm home," Shego bellowed as she entered the lair, "what crackpot idea did you come up with while I was gone?"

She heard no response. The second hovercraft was still in the hanger.

"DRAKKEN!" she shouted again.

"Probably in the john," she grumbled, pulling out her cell phone from her leg pouch and hitting the speed dial.

A phone began ringing in the lab. It sounded close and she stared over at the workbench where the noise seemed to originate. _"Did he forget his phone?"_ After three rings it stopped and she heard, "Hello," whispered from under the workbench and through her phone.

"Where are you?" she demanded, quietly moving over towards the workbench.

"I'm not here… I'm… Go away."

She cautiously peered around the table and found him curled up underneath. _"Is he taking a nap?"_ He appeared to be hiding, but from whom? From her? **"BOO!"**

Startled, Drakken screamed and shot up - hitting his head on the underside of the lab table.

Shego was rolling on the floor with laughter as he extracted himself from his hiding place. "You scream like a girl," she panted trying to regain her breath.

He brushed dust off his lab coat and tried to salvage any remaining dignity. "I was looking for something."

"You're hiding."

"I was looking for something."

"Who were you hiding from?"

"Kim Possible," he admitted.

She mocked him with a soft, cooing voice, "And itty-bitty little cheerleader scared the big strong man?"

"She is a most accomplished adversary and demands respect."

Shego shook her head. "Gutless. You don't see me hiding in fear."

_"I don't see you beating her very often either,"_ Drakken thought - but not too loudly in case Shego could read minds. "I wasn't expecting her, that's all. She surprised me."

"Pumpkin? What was she doing here? You don't even have a plan that's been started for her to stop."

"She was looking for you," Drakken said, gently rubbing the bruise on his head.

"For me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She left those," he said pointing to a large bouquet that sat on a table to one side of the lab.

"Flowers?"

"I would presume so. I've not examined them."

"Probably bugged," Shego muttered, moving cautiously towards the plants."

"Aphids?"

"Not that kind of bug!"

Drakken slipped out of the room as she walked towards the vase and flowers. He had been under the worktable for almost two and a half hours, and experienced an ever growing need to visit the facilities during the last hour of that time.

Shego avoided smelling the flowers… Who knew what kind of drug Kim might have put on them. With the advances in micro circuitry she had to be careful in checking them out. Only when she believed the flowers were not bugged did she open the envelope and read the card inside.

Shego,  
The flowers were so beautiful I thought of you.  
Kim.

Having answered the call of nature Drakken returned to the lab. "Shego?" He received no answer. "I wonder if she went to her room?" Drakken pulled out his cell phone and hit the speed dial.

A phone began ringing in the lab. It sounded close and he stared over at the workbench where the noised seemed to originate. After three rings it stopped and he heard, "Hello," whispered from under the workbench and through his phone.

* * *

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible television series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 4 - And a Princess Under No Enchantment**

I couldn't work any further on this story. I had scenes in mind... Imagine a Pepe Le Pew cartoon with Kim in the role of Pepe and Shego in the role of the cat who unfortunately ended up with the white stripe. Shego tries to flee, but wherever she goes Kim is there - waiting for her.

My initial goal had been in the direction of off-the-wall humor. But I found the underlying premise - the growing insanity of Kim's dad too dark. There are writers who use insanity in humor stories, but I don't. Further the story required behavior from Kim that seemed too unethical and out-of-character for me to feel comfortable writing more


	2. Imperfect Fit

I wrote the opening chapters for **Imperfect Fit** more than a year ago, but never found time to finish it. I would like to complete this one - if I can find the time. What happens in it represents part of the Best Enemies series. This would be a traditional romance with the focus on secondary characters from the show, in this case Jim and Zita - like **R-E-S-P-E-C-T** dealt with Monique and Will Du.

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

Story set about 12 years after Best Enemies. Visit my profile for a fast overview of the Best Enemies universe.

NoDrogs created the twins, whose origin has been completely altered in my stories.

**Chapter 1 - See How the Fates Their Gifts Allot**

Jim and Zita shouted their throats raw at the concert

"Stop for a drink?" he croaked as he drove back to Middleton.

She nodded.

He ordered a burger to go with his beer, she had a salad with hers.

When the waitress came back to ask if they needed anything else Zita told her no.

"You're going to bed with me sober?" he asked after the young woman left.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Zita replied coolly.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," he said bluntly. "I'm tired of one or both of us having to drink too much so we can pretend what's going to happen is an accident that won't happen again."

"It's not going to happen again, Jim, I'm stopping it. We're just friends. I wanted an escort to the concert tonight. That's the only reason I asked you. Nothing else. I'm not going to have more than one beer to make sure there are no more of those 'accidents'."

He snorted in disbelief. "There's too much between us."

"There's nothing between us," she hissed. "Nothing real. We get horny sometimes and we use each other. That's all it is. I'm declaring an end to it. I bought the tickets for tonight. You drove and pay here. You'll take me home, then drive yourself home. Period. End of evening."

In the parking lot outside her condo she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, but his lips met hers and good intentions were quickly forgotten. His arms went around her, drawing her close and crushing her against him. She resisted weakly for about five seconds.

Zita awoke first the next morning. She desperately wished she could blame the alcohol, but after she asked Jim up last night he had refused a nightcap and wouldn't let her have one. His arm around her felt far too good. This was crazy. He was twenty-five. She'd be thirty soon. She moved slightly and without waking up he pulled her closer. She smiled, then cursed herself for enjoying the sensation of his arm around her. Jim was rude and short tempered. She needed their love-making sessions. She needed to stop pretending this wasn't going to happen when they did something together. She needed to stop seeing him. For a minute she considered if she should leave Lipsky and Load and move away from Middleton. She wanted to meet someone her age. There would be no problem if he was five years older than she, why should it matter if she was a little older. Five years is not a little older. She should just enjoy this and not worry…

Jim woke up while the jumble of thoughts swirled in her mind. He pulled her closer and she felt his breath, warm on her ear, as he whispered, "Mornin' Sexy."

He kissed her ear, the side of her throat, and his lips worked their gentle way to the back of her neck as his hand caressed her hip.

Zita sighed, she wanted a sign telling her what to do. "If you leave a mark on my neck you are a heap of trouble!" Perhaps she should accept the way her body responded as the sign she wanted. Zita smiled and turned towards him, her lips responding to his with passion.

* * *

"You can skip telling us the positions," Kim told her brother.

"Unless, of course, you've A, got something really kinky to report, or B, it explains why you arrived home this morning in nothing but your tightie-whities," Shego clarified.

Jim wished Kasy and Sheki had not been out in the yard when he arrived home. In fact today he wished he had moved out and found another apartment when Tim got married and left the carriage house apartment. "I don't know why you two are grilling me," he complained.

Shego pointed her index finger at her head and rotated it in small circles. Kim just rolled her eyes, "You don't come home last night--"

"I'm a big boy. You don't tell me what to do!"

"You don't come home last night," Kim repeated, "and the twins come running into the house when I'm trying to get them in the car for church-- By the way, when was the last time you went?"

"You're as bad as Mom," he grumbled.

"Anyway, the girls come running into the house saying Uncle Jim just drove in and he lost his pants--"

"Been taking Ron lessons?" Shego interrupted.

"--and you ask why we're grilling you? You should be grateful we waited until this afternoon instead of giving you the third degree while you were still in your briefs."

"Look, we were laying there in each other's arms, just kind of catching our breath, and I asked about breakfast. And, BAM! I--"

"Hold on," the lawyer requested. "What do you mean, 'you asked about breakfast'?"

Jim thought for a couple seconds, "Well, I said--"

"Say it the way you said it to her," Shego demanded.

He closed his eyes in concentration, then growled, "Woman, what's for breakfast?" He opened his eyes, "I was just being funny."

Kim and Shego looked at each other. Shego shook her head in disgust while Kim rolled her eyes slightly and shrugged. "Perfect thing to say to a woman who got a divorce from an abusive husband."

"Hey that was almost ten years ago!"

"Yeah, you try two years of hell and see how funny you think it is," Shego snarled.

"You're lucky she let you have your briefs," Kim finished.

"She didn't," Jim muttered. "I snagged them off the floor as I headed out."

"And your car keys?"

"I shouted through the door I needed them. She told me to go outside, and she threw them at me. I'm glad no one called the police and had me charged with indecent exposure."

"I'd have made you walk home like that," Shego told him.

"You have to apologize to her," Kim insisted.

"Like hell I will," Jim snorted.

"God," Shego muttered, "are all you Possibles hopeless in the romance department?"

"Excuse me!" Kim demanded.

"You're great in the sack, Princess. And Romeo here may be also. But neither one of you could romance your way out of a brown paper bag… Maybe I should call Erin and ask about Tim."

The three were still arguing about the romantic capabilities of Possibles and Jim's duty to give Zita an apology, and Shego insisting that he send flowers, when Sheki came in the house with the news, "There's a man outside with a bag of stuff he says is for Uncle Jim."

"Wouldn't he give it to you to bring in?" Kim asked.

"Doh," Shego pointed out. "He wants a tip. It's Sunday, so it's not a regular delivery service. My guess is Zita sent Jim's clothes over."

Sheki's news caused Jim to head for the door. "Be sure to tip him," Kim called after his brother. "And you," she said turning to Shego, "what do you mean, I'm not romantic?"

"I love you madly, Pumpkin, but romance? I'll give you a C, but only because I'm in a charitable mood." Shego smiled and waited for Kim to take the bait. Her partner didn't fail her.

"Call Hana and ask if she can babysit Jane tonight. When I'm through with you tonight the smile won't come off your face until Wednesday. Romance? I'll show you romance."

A highly competitive partner who couldn't resist a challenge posed a number of difficulties in a relationship. But approached properly it could be rewarding also.

* * *

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 2 - For A Is Happy, B Is Not**

For a couple weeks Jim and Zita managed to avoid each other completely. She sent him two memos via email and he responded appropriately to one of them with an equally business-like reply of his own. She wondered if it could last until the next staff meeting, then remembered he was due to go to the island before the staff meeting. Zita guessed he'd ask her for dinner before he left. She wavered over whether she should say yes or no when he asked.

The brown woman smiled; by the time Jim got back he'd be desperate for female companionship. She picked up the phone and almost punched in his extension -- telling him she'd require a progress report as soon as he got back. She caught herself just in time and put the phone back down. He should call her when he got back. She found herself remembering the night of the concert… If he weren't such a jerk… If he were a couple years older…

In the late morning the day before he was scheduled to leave Jim stormed into her office. She found her heart beating faster. She would say yes when he asked her out for dinner tonight. She expected a smile, but instead he scowled at her.

"What's wrong?" she demanded.

"Drakken and Wade just ordered me to--"

"DO IT!" she snapped, her mood destroyed by his tone of voice.

He glared at her, "You aren't even going to listen to what they--"

"I don't care. I'm sick to death of your complaints and whining. Do it." He still hadn't apologized for what he'd done two weeks ago and wasn't even asking her out for dinner before he left.

"That's it? No listening to me? No asking for my opinion? You can just give orders?"

_"I'm_ not giving you any orders," she retorted coolly. "Whose names are on your paychecks?"

"Fine," he called over his shoulder, slamming the door on the way out.

Too upset to get any work done, Zita took Joss out for a long lunch. The younger woman listened attentively, made appropriately empathic sounds, but so obviously wanted Zita to hook up with her cousin Jim that Zita couldn't vent properly. The Hispanic woman wished it were as easy as Joss seemed to imagine.

As Zita left the office the next day after work Jim's car was still in its assigned spot. _"He needs to leave for the airport,"_ she thought as she unlocked her own car. She didn't initially notice that he left the building only a few seconds behind her, and it didn't enter her mind at all that it was too much of a coincidence.

He stood beside his car as she turned the key in the ignition and nothing happened. She made sure the car was in park, then checked the gas gauge, then scolded herself for checking the gas gauge -- even if the tank were empty it would have cranked. She started to pull out her cell phone when Jim rapped on the car window. "Problems?" he shouted.

"Car won't start," she answered, opening her door.

"Let me give you a ride," he offered.

"You need to get to the airport."

"Let me give you a ride," he insisted. Her car wasn't going anywhere with the ignition wires removed.

"Thanks," she said, sliding into the passenger seat as he held his car door open for her.

He said nothing, but a minute later he took the turn away from Middleton.

"Hey!" she started to protest.

"I got to get to airport, remember?"

Zita fell silent. The airport was close and Jim needed to leave, taking her home and then coming back out to the airport would have taken too long. She didn't say anything as the ancient security guard opened the gate to the corporate section of the airport and Jim pulled into a Lipsky and Load spot. She expected him to hand her the keys. "Where do you want me to leave your car?" she asked. "Your place, the lab, or get it back out here for you?"

Jim said nothing, but opened his door and got out.

"You're late," the L&L pilot shouted, heading over to the car to help Jim with any bags.

"Sorry, Rod," Jim apologized, "we were later getting out of the office than I planned."

"We?" Zita asked as she emerged from the passenger side of the car.

Jim hit a switch on his key ring and the trunk popped open, "You'll probably need to carry bags on for both of us," he told the tall, prematurely gray man.

"What in the hell are you talking about!" Zita shouted, "What's this 'we' and 'bags for both of us'?"

"Just following your orders," Jim told her in a cold voice.

"What?"

"Drakken and Wade told me to take you out to the island with me. I told them it was a mistake. You told me to shut up and do it."

"You didn't tell me what they wanted you to do."

"I tried," he reminded her. He did a high sing-song imitation of her voice, "I'm sick to death of your complaints and whining. Do it."

Crimson with anger, Zita tried to slap him. Jim ducked the swing, caught her arm and threw her over a shoulder. She began to hit him on the back. "Behave," he ordered, and gave her a swat on the rear with a force equal to one of the blows she was hitting him with.

"I, uh, don't know about this…" Rod began. "It, um, sort of looks like kidnapping."

"You get a call from Doc about this?"

"Yeah. He said I'd be flying the two of you out."

"Well, to quote Miss Flores here, whose names are on your paychecks?"

The pilot shrugged and opened the trunk, pulling out two large duffles. Zita stared in shock -- one was hers.

Jim carried her onto the jet and unceremoniously dumped her on a seat, then moved back a little where he could take a seat out of her line of vision.

"Who packed for me?" Zita demanded.

"Joss," Jim told her as he rummaged around in an overhead bin for pillows and blankets. "She said you'd given her a key to your condo so she could water your plants sometimes when you were gone or something."

_"I'm changing the locks when I get back."_

"Get some sleep, we'll be heading straight for the ship after we land." He tossed her a pillow and a couple blankets, then reclined his own seat and closed his eyes.

Zita couldn't get comfortable. Wade and Drakken had been after her for more than two years to look things over on the island and see if she could come up with recommendations for the operation. She wondered which of them was responsible for this… Maybe Joss, perhaps she thought some time with Jim would get them together. Maybe Jim… The thought was almost pleasant, but Jim seemed as genuinely unhappy about it as she felt at the moment. No, not Jim… She felt disappointed that it wasn't Jim's idea. Exhaustion finally overtook her.

It felt like only seconds after she fell asleep that Jim shook her awake, "C'mon. Can you walk to the taxi or do I need to carry you?"

"Why are you doing this?" Zita groaned.

"'Cause we're all tired of you complaining about the island project. You're either going to see it's run well and shut up -- or you'll figure out a way to improve things."

Jim went down the narrow steps first. She stumbled once in the darkness and he steadied her. Rod had their bags waiting for them beside the taxi.

"You're staying?" he asked.

"Go to hell," she growled, climbing into the old car.

"Someone is grumpy unless she has her eight hours," Jim told him as he loaded the luggage. "You hanging around?"

"Just 'til Cappy John gets back. No one to fly home -- but there could be a report for Middleton."

Jim yawned widely, "Get some sleep. See you in three weeks."

He didn't need to tell the driver where to go. "You can lean on me if you want," Jim told her. "It's about a twenty minutes to the harbor."

"You can go to hell too," she muttered and deliberately leaned in the other direction.

"I'd advise against that," he told her, putting an arm around her and pulling her towards him. "I don't know how good the latch is on the door."

She didn't resist. Pleased that he cared for her safety she leaned against him. The night was cool and Jim was warm; Zita fell asleep immediately.

Zita awoke to daylight and the rocking of the ship. She had no memory of Jim carrying her into the small cabin and tucking her into the bunk. In another bunk a middle-aged woman groaned in pain. "Are you okay?" Zita asked, then realizing it was a stupid question amended it to, "Can I get you anything?"

"Dry land," the sufferer croaked.

"Should I see if there's a doctor around?"

"There is. She's seasick."

Zita left the doctor and went on deck, "Where's my bag?" she called to Jim. "I need to make sure Joss packed my toilet kit." Jim left the two Global Justice agents helping the captain's husband and son trim the sail and showed her where the bags were stowed.

"She's pretty," an agent said when he got back. "Why'd you call her the witch?"

Jim grunted, "Try working under her."

The man grinned, "I wouldn't mind her on top - or underneath."

Jim pressed his lips together tightly and fought back an urge to punch him in the mouth.

Zita found a case of energy bars in her duffle, with a note from Joss telling her to relax and have a great time *wink* *wink*. Zita munched a bar for breakfast and wondered if she'd ever speak to Joss after getting back. She brushed her teeth and went to find the captain. The nickname 'Cappy John' came from a legendary New England skipper with miraculous navigation skills. Since nothing electrical functioned in an almost twenty mile radius of the island the traditional navigation skills came in handy.

Zita noticed her watch wasn't working and assumed they were getting close to their destination. "How long 'til we land?" she called as she approached 'Cappy' at the helm.

The woman checked her watch, a wind-up with the traditional springs and gears, "I'd say hour, hour and a half depending on whether the breeze picks up or not." The effects of the field around the island extended to the electrical components of engines.

The Hispanic woman elected to stay on deck by the captain, enjoying the sun and breeze. "I met the doctor. She'll be happy to land."

'Cappy' laughed, "She started trying to puke before we even cleared the harbor. Worst case I've ever seen."

"What's the weather supposed to be like?" In a cheap romance novel or movie a tropical storm would hit, leaving her and Jim stranded for longer than expected and forcing them together.

The older woman stared at Zita, "You been there before?"

"No."

"'Bout six months of heaven, three months hot as hell, and three months of rain. Should be heaven for you."

_"I could use a break. And Wade and Doc better not count this as vacation."_

As they tied up at the island's dock a bell rang and research and security personal went down to help unload cargo. Without phones, radio, or television the care packages from home were the high point of any week.

With the hold cleared two Global Justice agents, a medical doctor, and two grad students carried their belongings on board for the trip back.

Zita pulled one of the lounge chairs scattered along the beach back into the shade and waited as Jim seemed to talk with everyone. He finally headed her way with a gray-haired man in a Global Justice uniform.

"Colonel Arbuthnot, Rosita Flores. Zita, Freddie Arbuthnot. He's the head of Global Justice on the island. He loves it when you call him sir."

The colonel gave her a dazzling smile, "A lovely lady, such as you can call me anything - or any time. Jim says you're an efficiency expert - out to give us the once over. Tea this evening? I'd like to hear your plans and would like dinner the night before you leave to catch your impressions. I think we run a tight little island here."

"Thank you… Tea?"

"Five-ish. I can expect to see you?"

She nodded and he marched off."

"Marginally competent," Jim remarked when the colonel was out of earshot. "Good heart, but still thinks Britain rules the waves."

"I just want to know where I'm staying."

"Lipsky and Load hut number one," Jim said, picking up his bag and reaching for hers.

She beat him to it, "I'll carry my own, thanks," she remarked coolly.

He shrugged and headed to the main compound.

In front of a small hut he put down his bag and pulled out a key, "There'll be a key for you in here," he said, opening the door and letting her go in first. "The bedroom is the door on the right. Bathroom in back." He paused to bring in two five-gallon containers of water which had been left by the door and Zita put her bag in the small bedroom. "We each get five gallons of fresh water a day. No long showers. If--"

"Stop," Zita ordered. "Two questions. I heard we had flush toilets - do I have to use water ration on that?"

"No, toilets use salt water. We collect wash water, we call it gray water, for irrigation. What's the other question?"

"Where are you staying?"

"Here."

"No way! You kidnapped me and dragged me out here, there is no way in hell you're sleeping with me."

"Well there's no way in hell I'm sleeping on the beach. And I'm not sleeping with you."

"Don't we have another hut?"

"Yeah, with bunk space for four - and we currently have four Lipsky and Load fellows on the island."

"A guest hut or something?"

"Yeah, well you can thank Global Justice that it's not available. They love the security here so much they bring out people they want to keep in protective custody. That was the first thing I asked the colonel today. We're full up out here."

Zita looked around the main room of the small cabin, "You'll be out here?"

"No," Jim pointed to a small door on the wall opposite the bedroom. "Store room, really more of a big closet, but I'll hang a hammock there. If it makes you feel any better there's no air circulation and I'll be too hot."

"It's a start," she remarked and went in to unpack.

* * *

**End of what I wrote...**

The island has been mentioned in a few other stories. It is where the power core and some artifacts from the alien craft in **Team Possible II: City in the Sands** were taken for study. The story would explain the way life on the island functioned. The Egyptian theoretically in charge serves mostly as a figure-head. Global Justice provides security, and the commander thinks he runs the place. Lipsky and Load theoretically dictates the research, but since they have no one there full time L&L recognizes they don't really run much any more. The two most dedicated scientists, who fortunately hate each other's guts, actually run the project.

But the focus would have been on Jim and Zita. Zita developed a hard, purely business exterior when she walked out on her abusive husband. Under the hard surface, however, she wants to be loved. With a little tender loving care Zita would be just fine. Unfortunately Jim is wretchedly poor at demonstrating TLC. In some ways his behavior reminds Zita of her ex, which Zita has unfortunately imagined as somewhat normal for men. Jim is different, but Zita has not let down her defenses enough to realize that. And Jim, being a man, isn't very good at communication.

* * *


	3. The Ballad of Kim Ballou

I'm not sure when I had this idea, but I created the document for the story on August 31, 2007.

The basic premise runs that with the end of the television series the cast needed a new project. Since there seems to be a market for remakes of classic (and sometimes less than classic) movies the crew film a remake of Cat Ballou. Because the Kim Possible cast contained many women there will be some cast changes. In the original movie 'Cat' Ballou was the only woman in her outlaw band. While Ron gets the role of Kim's love interest the other members of the band include Bonnie, Monique, and Shego. You, the reader, are asked to pretend they are men as you read the story/watch the movie.

Drakken isn't listed in the cast, but appears as a bit player in several scenes - usually complaining about the fact he didn't receive a real part.

* * *

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Columbia Pictures own rights to Cat Ballou

**Cast of Characters**

Kimberly Ann Possible . . . . . . . . . . Catherine 'Cat' Ballou  
Shego . . . . . . . . . . Kid Shelleen  
Ron Stoppable . . . . . . . . . . Clay Boone  
Bonnie Rockwaller . . . . . . . . . . Uncle Jed  
Monique . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Two-Bears  
Mr. Dr. Possible . . . . . . . . . . Frankie Ballou  
Camille Leon (as Shego) . . . . . . . . . . Tim Strawn  
Monte Fisk . . . . . . . . . . Sir Harry Percival  
Wade Load . . . . . . . . . . Professor Sam the Shade  
Josh Mankey . . . . . . . . . . Sunrise Kid

**Prologue, A Hangin' Day**

Wade and Josh fill the screen as the story opens. They stand side by side, pretending to play the banjos they hold. Behind them the set resembles a Western town of the late 19th century, and townspeople in suitable attire walk around on the set. Each of he two young men has a guitar on his back with the strap across his chest. Professor Sam the Shade (Wade) is dressed like a riverboat gambler in a purple coat with yellow stripes and a yellow vest. He wears a top hat. The Sunrise Kid (Josh) looks like a ragged bum. They begin singing immediately.

_Well now friends just lend an ear__  
__For you're now about to hear__  
__The ballad of Cat Ballou__  
__It's a song that's newly made_

Wade: _And Professor Sam The Shade_

Josh: _And the Sunrise Kid are singin' it for you_

_Cat Ballou, Cat Ballou_

They stroll as they sing. They pause, underneath and behind a wooden structure of some sort and a heavy bag suddenly drops through a trap door, brought up short by the hangman's noose tied around it. Clearly they are standing behind a gallows being tested before an execution.

_It's a hangin' day in Wolf City, Wyomin'__  
__Wolf City, Wyomin', eighteen ninety-four__  
__They're gonna drop Cat Ballou__  
__Through the gallows floor._

The two resume their stroll down the main street.

Wade: _She killed a man in Wolf City, Wyomin'__  
__Wolf City, Wyomin', killed a man it's true_

_And that is why they're a-hangin'  
Hangin' Cat Ballou_

Wade: _She has the smile of an angel_  
Josh: _Fights like the Devil  
_Wade: _The eyes of an angel  
_Josh: _Bites like the Devil  
_Wade: _The face of an angel  
_Josh: _I say she's the Devil_

_She's mean and evil through and through__  
__Cat Ballou, Cat Balou  
She's mean and evil through and through._

A large group of women, singing songs of salvation, march toward an unidentified building. Wade and Josh stop their singing and head in the same direction as the women. Eventually they end up outside a window to the jail. Inside the cell Kim, dressed in a petticoat, sews on the dress she is to hanged in. Outside the women sing songs urging her to repent. Kim stares out the cell window to where work continues on the gallows. After giving the Salvation Army band some time to present its message Wade and Josh begin singing again.

Wade sings slowly: _Cat, your time has come__  
__As you stand on the brink__  
__It's sure makin' you think__  
__'bout your life of sin_

_How come they're now going to hang you__  
__and how did you begin_

In her cell Kim looks at a tintype of herself, dressed as a proper young woman of the era, as a change in music announces we are going into a flashback

* * *

Disney owns the characters from Kim Possible. Columbia Pictures own rights to Cat Ballou.

**Chapter 1 - The Way It All Began**

"All aboard!" the conductor called.

A heavyset woman pushed her way through the crowd in the train car, a demure Catherine Ballou in her wake, "Here you stand, Catherine, on the threshold of life. You have graduated from my academy with a first rate education. Teach as I taught you."

DNAmy looked around for a place for Kim to sit down. She saw two men with a vacant seat opposite them. Steve Barkin wore a striped suit. Ron, dressed like a typical cowboy, had his hat low over his eyes.

"Hmm," Amy muttered, "Well, at least they look clean."

With his right hand Ron tipped his hat.

"This here man is in my custody," Barkin informed her, "and I don't want nobody near him." He emphasized the point by raising his right arm, handcuffed to Ron's left wrist. "And what idiot did the staging for this scene? I'd never put my gun hand in a handcuff." Barkin muttered

"Don't look at them Catherine," Amy scolded, and turned Kim around.

As the two retreat from Ron and Barkin Ron leaned over to watch the sway of Kim's dress.

"She looks good coming and going, doesn't she, Mr. B?"

"That's why she's the star, Stoppable. I don't know what Amy was thinking. Her bustle is way too big."

"Uh, I don't think she's wearing a bustle."

"Promise me you won't tell her I said that."

Amy found an open space in in the next passenger opposite someone dressed as a parson. Bonnie Rockwaller looked only slightly uncomfortable dressed as a frontier parson, and more than a little silly behind a fake moustache.

"Oh, a man of God. Sir, would you look after this girl?" Amy asked.

Bonnie, obviously in ill humor, nodded her head yes.

"You'll be a good teacher, Catherine. I must go."

"I'll miss you, Mrs. Parker."

They kissed each other on the cheek, and DNAmy departed.

Kim took the seat opposite Bonnie. With a whistle and a lurch the train began to move. Bonnie stared somewhat vacantly at Kim. While other passengers adjusted to the movement of the locomotive Bonnie continued to sway a little than necessary. Kim leaned forward, "Miss Parker didn't introduce us. I'm Catherine Ballou."

Her eyes slightly unfocused Bonnie leaned forward, "I'm drunk as a skunk." Kim looked shocked. "I apologize for bein' in this disgusting condition." She hiccupped loudly, "I promise not to inflict myself on you any further… First time in my life I ever drank. I took the pledge at the big temperance meeting in Crooked D, Montana. Do you remember the meeting? It was a great outpouring of the Spirit." Bonnie sank back in the seat, "And I won't inflict myself on you any further."

"Thank you." Distinctly annoyed Kim pulled a thick book from her bag and held it up between herself and Bonnie. The spine of the book read 'Tennyson'.

After few minutes Bonnie mused, "Tennyson… Does he spin a good yarn, that Tennyson?"

"He's a wonderful poet."

"Poet?" Bonnie reached over and took the book from Kim. "May I?" With effort the parson focused on the page in front of 'him' and began to read out loud, "I stepped out of the dark barroom into the street, where the sun beat down unmercifully and Bent stood a-hollerin', 'Come on out, Kid Shelleen I'm gonna blow you clear out of Tombstone and into hell! I had been upstairs at the bawdy house, enjoying the favors of--"

"Bonnie!" Kim objected. "That's not in the script! You're supposed to look at the magazine I had hidden in the book and read the title, 'Kid Shelleen and the Massacre at Whiskey Flats'."

"More fun my way," the parson retorted, then slipped back into drunken character, "Ma'am, I apologize for my disgusting condition. I assure you, I will not inflict myself on you any further."

Kim sighed, "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"You're very kind," Bonnie hiccupped and patted the cover of the thick Bible on her lap, "but I got here all the help I'll need."

"That's very true."

"There's good in the Bible for these times."

A blue man in a Pullman porter's uniform interrupted their talk. "I'll be making up this berth, please step into the aisle." As Kim and Bonnie stood the porter could be heard to mutter, "I'd have made a great Kid Shelleen."

Some sort of temporal anomaly strikes the film as somewhere between half an hour and an hour pass while Bonnie walks the seventy feet from the train car where she had sat opposite Kim to the next train car with Mr. Barkin and his prisoner. The Pullman berths are now all down, made up, and everyone who had a berth reserved is safely tucked away and sound asleep. The parson finds the two men in the sort of washroom that probably didn't exist on passenger cars for trains in the eighteen-nineties.

"Hallelujah, Brother!" Bonnie began, "I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold, let him who is troubled--"

"Got a match?" the sheriff interrupted. Bonnie fumbled through her pockets and found one. "Go on."

"Hallelujah, Brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold--"

Barkin lit a cigar. _"God, I love these old movies where you could smoke."_ "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You were saying?"

"Hallelujah, Brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and all that..."

**Writing ended**. I just couldn't get into writing a story where the characters are actors pretending to be characters. I thought there was potential for humor, but simply lost interest. Opening and closing scenes were in present tense, while the body of the story (flashback) would be told in past tense.

* * *

**Chapter 2 - You Can't Go Home Again**

_Cat Ballou, she lived__  
__In Wolf City, Wyomin'__  
__And folks here in Wyomin'__  
__Live high off the hog__  
__That brand-new firm, Sears and Roebuck__  
__Sent them their catalogue_

Wade: _It's an upright town __  
_Josh: _Yeah!__  
_Wade: _With kind, wonderful people __  
_Josh: _Oh?__  
_Wade: _Reliable people __  
_Josh: _Sure__  
_Wade: _Friendly as can be __  
_Josh: _So they say__  
_Wade: _When they say, "Howdy," they mean it __  
_Josh: _Ha!__  
_Wade: _Yep, they're neighborly __  
_Josh: _Yep, yep, yep!__  
_Wade: _If only Cat had behaved__  
_Josh: _These folks would befriend her_  
Wade: _If Cat had behaved__  
_Josh: _Their hearts they would lend her__  
_Wade: _But Cat was depraved__  
_Josh: _To hell now they'll send her_

_She could have lived like others do__  
__Cat Ballou __Cat Ballou, __  
__she's mean and evil through and through.__  
__They'll now be hanging Cat Ballou_

"Kim, I can tolerate everyone calling me Jackson for this role," Monique complained. "And I appreciate not being identified as a Native American--"

"Native American Anti-Defamation League would have been all over us for not hiring a real Native American for the role."

"I figured it was 'cause we didn't have a Native American token on the cast--"

"You're not a token character, you were integral to story lines."

"I know, but you're not going to tell me we didn't have tokens on the show. Now, my question is, why in the heck does the script call me an ex-slave? I mean, I'm eighteen. This story is set in eighteen ninety-four, the Civil War's been over for twenty-nine years!"

Kim shrugged, "Go with it. Most people watching this movie don't know when the War of eighteen-twelve started.

* * *

**Chapter 3 - A Call for Help**

_Then there came to town A gun deadly and frightening__  
__A gun quicker than lightening Fastest gun you've seen__  
__It was the gun in the hand of__  
__Steel-Eyed Kid Shelleen__  
__Just one look at him__  
__Had folks starting to booger__  
__Wild, wild as a cougar__  
__Proud and fierce and mean__  
__There was no man who was tougher__  
__Tough as Kid Shelleen_

Wade: _He had the eyes of a killer__  
_Josh: _Cold as the devil__  
_Wade: _The look of a killer__  
_Josh: _The look of a devil__  
_Wade: _The face of a killer__  
_Josh: _That man was the devil_

_Just wild and ornery and mean_

Wade: _Kid Shelleen__  
_Josh: _Kid Shelleen_

_The fastest gun you've ever seen._

Shego struck it lucky getting the Kid Shelleen role. Lee Marvin won an Oscar for the part. I think Shego has the ability to do a wonderful drunk.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Cold-Blooded Murder**

Wade and Josh sang slowly:

_There are teardrops in her heart__  
__But they can't make her cry__  
__There are teardrops in her heart__  
__But they can't make her cry__  
__She's lost all the kin that she's known__  
__And the tears will turn into stone__  
__All the teardrops in her heart__  
__'Cause they can't make her cry__  
__It's not very hard to grieve__  
__When you're a little girl__  
__It's not very hard to grieve__  
__When you're a little girl__  
__But they made a little girl feel__  
__Like a woman made of steel__  
__Makes no difference how they try__  
__They'll never… make her… cry_

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Kim Ballou: Outlaw**

_So that mournful day  
Became part of a legend__  
__The real start of a legend__  
__Known as Cat Ballou__  
__They'll never make her cry__  
__The day the law filled her heart__  
__With a hate that grew__  
__Makes no difference how they try__  
__They'll never make her cry__  
__When you have no tears__  
__Then you've gotta have something__  
__Hate really is something__  
__Blood is what you need__  
__They'll never make her cry__  
__And Cat Ballou made her mind up__  
__To make this country bleed__  
__Makes no difference how they try__  
__They'll never make her cry_

[Kid Shelleen makes her interest in Kim even more obvious than in the original.]

"Mom," Kim yelled, "this wasn't in the script."

"But she is keeping it in character, Dear," the director called. "Go with the scene."

Shego grinned and put her hands on Kim's hips, "Listen to your mother. Maybe we can try for an R rating."

"Oh, Kim?" the director called.

"Yes, Mom?"

"You can ad-lib too."

Shego sat up after Kim knocked her to the floor and rubbed her jaw, "Just remember, Princess, next film we remake is Barbarella and I'm directing and playing the Great Tyrant. We'll need a lot of takes on our love-making scene."

"Mom!"

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Kim's Revenge**

_It took a crafty female brain__  
__To stage the holdup of a train__  
__She planned it to the last detail__  
__Until it couldn't fail__  
__This dash and daring desperado__  
__Lead her gang with cool bravado__  
__They would follow where she lead__  
__They made the country bleed__  
__Round and round and round they went__  
__Till man and gal and beast were spent__  
__Round and round and round they rode__  
__Oh, what an episode!_

* * *

**Chapter 7 - The Hanging of Kim Ballou**

As Kim prepares for her hanging she is startled to hear a familiar voice, "Hallelujah, Brothers and Sisters!" and looks up to see Bonnie back in the parson's disguise - although without the mustache.

The descriptions of Shego always mention they are back views. Kid Shelleen has returned to the prior state of drunkenness. But the final shot, before Wade and Josh return to the screen for the closing, is a close-up of Shego's face. She is wearing Bonnie's mustache and a broad grin.

_So she rode away__  
__Just where now is a mystery__  
__But Cat rode into history__  
__And her legend grew__  
__She was the queen of the outlaws__  
__Her Highness Cat Ballou__  
__Well, our story now is through__  
__We'll say farewell to Cat Ballou_


	4. If I'm Not Me, Who Am I?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. My profile provides a fast overview of the Best Enemies universe.

NoDrogs created the Kasy and Sheki, whose origin I altered. I began this after the start of Season 4, to show how my version of the family differed from the one NoDrogs created. I planned Warmonga as the villain, but later worried it would require an epic to finish. And I gave up my plans when Graduation was so wretched.

**If I'm Not Me, Who Am I? **

Kasy awoke with a sense of general unease. Everything seemed wrong. Her pajamas were too tight. It didn't feel like her mattress under her, or her sheets on top of her. Somehow the room smelled wrong. It didn't smell bad, it just didn't smell like her room was supposed to smell. She opened her eyes. Even though she expected to see a different room it was still startling to face the reality. She had gone to sleep the night before in her own bed, in her own pajamas… Kasy quickly raised an arm, these were definitely not her pajamas. They belonged to a smaller girl, a younger girl if the décor of the room was an indication.

The red-haired teen was on a top bunk. She cautiously looked over the edge of the bed. Sheki was asleep on the bunk below her, but like Kasy she was in another girl's sleepwear, an over-sized t-shirt in this case that wasn't as restrictive as the pajamas that were too tight on Kasy.

"Hey, wake up," Kasy demanded of her sister. She wondered if she should have said anything. She wanted Sheki awake, but she didn't want anyone else in the house… She assumed it was a house. She didn't want to wake up anyone else until she knew what was happening.

"Wha?" Sheki mumbled.

"Wake up," Kasy whispered again. "Something's wrong."

Sheki opened her eyes, and looked appropriately shocked. "Where am I?"

"Where are we, and I don't know," Kasy told her. She crawled down off the bunk and looked around the room and out the window for clues. There were some books and other items with names on them, which surprisingly were usually 'Kasy' or 'Sheki'. But the school books were for someone a few years behind her in school, and were not books she could remember using. Nor had she ever owned the items bearing her name, and it was not her writing. A glance around the room and outside the window showed they were on the second floor of a very large older home. The street outside the window could have been a part of Middleton she was unfamiliar with, or any one of ten thousand towns she'd never seen in her life.

Sheki meanwhile had done her own examination of the room. "Well?" the dark-haired girl demanded.

"Heck if I know. You notice the names?"

"Yep. Is that more weird or creepy?"

"I vote creepy."

"Yeah, I–" She fell silent at a sound from the hall.

Both girls held their breaths as, to their horror, the doorknob began to turn. The door swung slowly open… And a red-haired girl, probably four or five years old stood in the doorway, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "What are you–" Then the young girl's eyes went wide with shock. "Who are you?"

"My name is Kasy," Kasy explained, "and this is my–"

"No you're not!" the child insisted firmly - and far too loudly for the twins' comfort.

"Her name is Kasy," Sheki assured the girl. "And mine is Sheki."

At which point the child screamed. From behind a door down the hall a sleepy voice demanded, "What's going on?" From a distance, probably from downstairs, the sound of something fairly large with clawed feet could be heard running in their direction

The twins had time to form a mental image of a large dog running toward the room, but were not ready for the creature that skidded to a halt in the doorway. If such a thing as multi-colored dragons existed Kasy would have labeled the creature as such. But since multi-colored dragons do not exist the redhead drew a sigh of relief. She was having some sort of dream or nightmare and would soon wake up in her own bed. It was an amazingly vivid dream, but it was a dream. She hoped she remembered enough of the details to tell the rest of the family the next day.

"I said, what's going on?" the voice from another bedroom demanded. "Jane? Was that you?"

"Don't say anything," Sheki whispered.

"K-Kasy… Sh-Sheki…" the girl stammered

"What now," a voice that sounded somewhat familiar grumbled. The twins heard a door open and a moment later their mothers stood in the doorway. The hairstyles seemed slightly different, and the twins had never seen that sleepwear before on their parents, but it was Kim and Shego.

The expression on the faces of the adults, however, mirrored the shock on the face of the younger girl.

"Mommy," Sheki sighed with relief.

Sheki hadn't called her Mommy in years. "Yes…" Kim answered hesitantly.

"Mom?" Kasy said.

"What's wrong, what happened to you?" Kim demanded.

Shego had shown no recognition when Kasy addressed her. "Mom?" she asked again.

"What!" a clearly frightened Kim snapped.

"Not you, Mommy," Kasy said, pointing at Shego. "Mom."

"Cheap fakes, Princess," Shego commented, moving into a battle stance which Kim imitated. "Whoever did it got the ages wrong and screwed up their cover stories."

"Jane, go to your room," Kim ordered. "They were probably going to try some kind of 'we're from the future,' story," the redhead suggested to Shego.

"You two can save yourself a world of pain if you tell us what you did with Kasy and Sheki right now," Shego warned the teens.

"We are Kasy and Sheki," Kasy insisted. "But this isn't our room. These aren't our clothes… You really aren't Mommy and Mom?"

"What in the hell is this Mommy and Mom crap?" Shego cursed. "Where are Kasy and Sheki?"

Kim didn't remind Shego to watch her language, she was equally worried about their daughters and wanted answers.

"I woke up in that bunk fifteen minutes ago," Kasy said – pointing at the top bunk. "I don't know where I am. I don't know how I got here. I went to bed last night in my home in Middleton and I woke up here."

"This is Middleton," Shego told them. "And this is Sheki and Kasy's room. What did you do with them?"

"This isn't our room! Kasy's telling the truth. We woke up here."

"Yeah, right," Shego answered sarcastically. "Who are you working for? 'Cause I'm about to kick butt if I don't start getting answers I like. The question is, where are Kasy and Sheki?"

Shego took a threatening step in their direction. The twins moved back-to-back and green plasma glowed around their hands. The adults stepped back. "Kasy?" Kim asked, "Sheki? What happened to you?"

"I don't know!" Kasy insisted, and broke down. As she started crying Kim instinctively moved forward and took the girl in her arms. Shego cursed inwardly, fearing some trap by the impostor. "I told you. We went to bed last night and woke up in this room."

"This is your room," Kim said soothingly. "It's been your room for years. Don't you recognize it?"

"It's not my room!" Kasy sobbed angrily. "We're Kasy and Sheki. But you're not Mommy and Mom! How did you–"

"What's this Mommy and Mom crap?" Shego interrupted. "The real Kasy and Sheki don't call me either of those."

"One of our mothers is Kim Possible," Sheki explained. "We call her Mommy. Our other mother is Sheila Go Down. We call her Mom."

"Well my name is Sharon O'Ceallaigh," Shego snorted. "'Go Down'? Now I know you're lying. No parents would be that nasty. And the real Kasy and Sheki call me Eemah. Kim, move away from that fake before she fries you with that fake plasma. Or knock her out and we'll question the fake Sheki." Shego wished Kim was not so naïve, they would need to beat the information out of these imposters.

"It sounds to me like we need to sit down and have a talk," Kim said softly. "I think we should move downstairs to the kitchen." Kim wished Shego didn't jump to violence so quickly. Trying to gain the trust of the imposters would be more effective in getting the real Kasy and Sheki back.

Only Smaug and Jane ate anything. Even as he swallowed his scrambled eggs the dragon stayed protectively close to the young redhead and kept an eye on the pair of strangers who smelled enough like, and unlike, the girls he knew that the creature had no idea how to react to the pair.

The teens and adults did not feel like eating. The longer they talked the more confusing it all became.

Helen glided into the room and stared at the twins. Smaug and Jane clearly saw her, and the dragon - being something of a coward at heart - hid beneath the table. The ghost spoke, but this different Sheki did not see or hear her. Helen turned to Jane and raised her hands in a 'What in the world is going on?' gesture.

"We don't know," Jane said.

"What?" Kim asked.

"Helen wonders what's happening."

"Ask her if she saw anything," Shego suggested.

"Who's Helen?" Kasy wanted to know.

"Our ghost," Kim answered.

The twins stared at each other and wondered what was going on as Jane reported to Shego, "She heard you. She shook her head no. She didn't see anything."

"There was a ghost here?" Sheki asked in disbelief.

"Our Sheki can talk with... Our Sheki..." Kim turned to Shego, "Impossible as it sounds, I think I believe them. I don't know how this Kasy and Sheki got here, but someone trying to pass them off as our girls would have given them a story that made some kind of sense."

"Classic trap-trap, Pumpkin. Give them a story that makes no sense at all and hope that we believe it because no one would make up a story this ridiculous."

"Well I'm calling Wade and Joss and–"

"Wade and Joss?" Sheki interrupted.

"I have a cousin Joss, and–"

"So do we, Except ours is in Montana. I guess it was the way you said 'Wade and Joss,' that sounded odd, like they were a couple or something."

"They are," Shego told her. "Their boy is Jane's age."

"You really don't have a little sister?" Jane piped in.

"No," Sheki admitted. "You don't make any sense. You and that dragon thing–"

"Smaug."

"–did Drakken do it again?"

"Drakken do what again?"

"Make Mommy pregnant."

Shego and Kim stared at the two in shock, finally Shego managed, "You're Drakken's daughters? With Kim? With Kim and me?"

It was the turn of the teenagers to look blank. "No, he used DNA from Mom to make Mommy pregnant."

Kim shrugged, "Apparently their Kim went to Drakken when she wanted to–"

"She didn't go to him for anything," Kasy spat. "He figured if she was pregnant she couldn't fight him anymore."

The two women felt nauseous, "Your Drakken is one sick–" Shego began, then noticed the glare from Kim. "–one sick puppy."

Kim left the table, "I'm calling Wade."

Shego wondered how much to tell these girls. She still suspected it was some sort of elaborate hoax or trap. "Kim went to a geneticist, Amy Hall, when she wanted to have a baby. I used the same geneticist several years later."

"Oh," Kasy responded. "So your daughters are kind of normal way of conception."

"Umm, not exactly," Shego answered. "You've mentioned a Joss, Wade, and Drakken. Amy Hall ring a bell? DNAmy?"

Sheki shook her head no. Kasy continued, "Mommy's dad is a rocket scientist and her mother is a brain surgeon. She has two brothers–"

"Jim and Tim?" Shego asked. The twins nodded. "And my dad teaches music."

The girls looked blank, "No."

They found a number of differences, such as the fact these girls claimed their Mom worked for Global Justice.

"No way in hell," Shego laughed, "they wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. So, is your Kim a lawyer?"

"No, she works for Global Justice too."

"She and mom–"

"What about Global Justice?" Kim asked as she returned to the kitchen. "Wade is like you," she told Shego, "he thinks this is some kind of hoax. He's on his way over. Joss will come as soon as they find someone to watch Junior – don't want to bring him to a trap." Kim sat at the table and got ready to use her phone, "And now I'm calling the police."

Shego quickly grabbed the phone from her partner, "No."

"Kasy and Sheki are missing! We have to call the police!" Some of Kim's composure was cracking and there was an element of panic as she said it.

"We're not calling the police. The police can't do squat and will take these two away as suspects. It there's a chance in the world they're legit they're our best lead on the real Kasy and Sheki. If they're our Kasy and Sheki and something weird has happened to them I'm not letting the police take them. And if someone grabbed our kids and left these imposters I'm going to beat the crap out of these two for anything they can tell us."

Wade was panting slightly as he let himself in, it had been faster to run than drive the couple blocks. Obviously the teens who had appeared in Kasy and Sheki's room were fakes, but the question became why. "Hey!"

"In here," Shego called.

The teens stared at the black man. "That's Wade?"

"He's not… uh, as heavy as ours."

"They keep saying things like that," Kim told him. "It's like I told you on the phone, they seem to be from a world that's like ours but not exactly the same."

Wade moved closed and peered at the two girls, the green color appeared to be real – or at least a dye rather than some sort of makeup. "And I told you on the phone that's impossible. Parallel universes that are absurdly like and unlike ours at the same time are the things of badly written science fiction. You've checked to make sure they're not robots, of course."

"No," Kim admitted.

"Well, I'm doing a DNA scan, start with that and we can see how they're fakes real fast."

"We're not fakes!" Kasy insisted.

"We're Kasy and Sheki," her sister added.

"You're not our Kasy and Sheki," Jane told them.

Joss arrived while Wade was staring at the results of his tests. "What ya got?"

"I don't know," her husband admitted. "Apparently some kind of imperfect clones."

"We're not clones!"

Joss ignored them, "What do you mean, imperfect clones?"

"They've got almost all the genetic characteristics of Kim and Shego, but not quite. Or they might be the result of some kind of genetic modification, but I don't think anyone can do that."

"Or we might really be Kasy and Sheki, but from another world."

Wade ignored them also, "I figure they're here for industrial espionage at Lipsky and Load."

"You have a high opinion of yourself," Shego snorted. "Kim and I have enemies."

"What enemies do you have that could pull this off?" he shot back. "It would be too obvious to grab Catlyn or Junior, so they substitute these two for the real Kasy and Sheki–"

"We're real!"

"–and know we'll take them out to Lipsky and Load to run tests."

"What's Lipsky and Load? Wasn't Lipsky Drakken's real name?"

"They claim their Drakken is a real scum bag," Shego explained to Joss.

The teens looked amazed, "Your Drakken is a good guy?"

"I'm not sure I'd go that far," Kim told them, "but as long as he takes his medication and sees his therapist regularly he stays honest."

"Dear," Joss addressed Wade, "do you know anyone capable of this level of cloning or genetic modification?"

"Bludstone and Grimm–"

"Does nothing with genetics."

"They could have hired someone."

"Who? Amy Hall wouldn't have done anything to harm the girls and I don't think there's anyone else capable of something that would leave you stumped like that… Is that thing you and Drakken built for sub-atomic sequencing analysis still around?"

"We are not taking them out to Lipsky and Load!"

"Then have Doc bring it here."

"Excuse me," Kim broke in, "but what are you talking about?"

"For some tests when we started the alien project," Wade explained. We wanted to…" He glanced at the two girls. "They could be aliens. No idea what alien technology can do. Maybe when we turned off that generator on the old craft it set off some kind of alarm and the aliens are here."

"You still need to call Doc and have him bring the equipment here. We need to get Kasy and Sheki back as quickly as possible."

The twins had given up the hope they might awaken from a bad dream. Since they knew they were real, and appeared to be the only thing out of place, it seemed obvious they were on a parallel world of some kind. While they resented being called fakes, imposters, spies, and clones they recognized that their parents would have to be frantic with worry over them when, presumably, the Kasy and Sheki of this world woke up there.

"Any chance we're their Kasy and Sheki and something weird has changed our memories?" Sheki whispered as Wade, Joss, and Drakken set up the equipment and tested it out.

"Not both of our minds. Not like this," her sister whispered.

Following the directions of the blue man was perhaps even more unsettling than waking up in the strange room. It helped to mentally keep repeating, "He's not our Drakken," during the tests.

Kim tried talking with the twins while the three from Lipsky and Load argued over the test results. Shego sat quietly and tried to keep her anger in check, she needed to do something to find her daughters. Unfortunately it wasn't clear if the only course of action which seemed available to her, hitting the two imposters, would accomplish anything constructive.

Joss and Wade came over to Kim as Drakken began to put away the equipment. "They're not from this world," Joss told Kim. "Sub-atomics don't match this planet."

"I still think they're aliens," Wade insisted.

"We're not aliens!"

"How do we get Kasy and Sheki back?" Shego almost screamed.

"Don't know," Joss admitted. "If they're from some kind of parallel universe we might be able to use the data we just got to make some kinda communication device to try and contact the place these two come from."

"I want better than might and try," Shego told her.

"We can probably build ours," Wade assured her, "but it's not going to work for communication unless their Wade, if their story is true, is smart enough to build a transceiver on their end."


End file.
